i'm sooo happy today cos i found myself, who was lost for 4 months.

there's a link to why i have been "emo"-ing for some time. quite long actually, a few weeks? u know, over sch stuff, council, my decisions, friends .etc

yep. so i'm writing this down so that i can look back and see how much i have went through and hopefully for others to relate and benefit from my wounds.

it all started with my decision not to go for council exco. u know, people are telling me: go for it, u can manage, it will benefit, good for testimonial, u can study well so go for more... and many more which i cant remember and chose not to recall. yes, but i still decided not to go for it. some people may be like: then go for council for what? u wont regret? .etc .etc in short, i did not regret and i am in council cos.. write the reason later. yep. and i would probably have regretted if i applied and i got in! amazing? but true.

then came more.. like this programme, that competition, this activity... (which i didn not participate) u know, i see some people participating in a lot a lot of these? first thing come to my mind: dont they need sleep? well, i love my sleep. i need to sleep. i need my sleep. i slept earlier last night and was happy the whole day. well, some of them maybe do these for the name? testimonial? then i look back. u know, i did a lot of things back in css. so much that i didnt think i actually did all those. then i thought: hey, why am i not doing anything much now? am i slacking too much now? have i changed so much? have i lost the drive? and later i found out the reason and my motivation... write these later.

well, i only remember those for now. next time if come to my mind, i will write. i choose not to recall more. okay. now the reason! long awaited... haha sorry, i want to type this just once. u know, i reaffirm myself today... that i actually do stuff that i like? if i like doing something, i will do it. no matter what it takes. so that's why i join council in the first place. and why i didnt apply for exco. (if u can deduce by now...) the details for the council exco thing would be too political so i wont write it here. and i can see that one can contribute much without being in exco. as long as u like and have passion for what u are doing. yeah =) i have learnt follow my heart, coz logic does fail.

as for the many activities... i am not really interested in all the academic, sci-research or what-not stuff that en-jay mainly offers... i realise this when i seriously considered the national youth envirolympics station master thing today. and i really wish to go for that. despite the committment, i still feel that i want to go! why? cos i like doing such stuff. so i should source out for more stuff that i like and participate ya? haha. thats why i have not participated in much stuff. coz the opportunity that i like rarely comes. means i have to look out specifically for them =) so... when u do the stuff that u like, and enjoy doing them, how many u do does not matter. cos u wont feel or count them. in the end, when u look back. it's many many many many. so many that u dont believe u actually did them all.

yes, it's true that there are times when u are forced to do stuff that u dont like. but look at the process. find happiness in the small things that u do. with others. what u did urself. find ways to do it so the way u like it despite the restrictions. even though some people may seem sucky, they may not be actually (well although some are really sucky). just give it a try. maybe it's not as bad as u think it is. u know, no one is perfect. that's why there's an eraser at the end of pencils.

oh yes. i also see some of my friends' blog.. about jc, friends .etc .etc maybe css is very nice (too nice maybe) that we have a culture shock! haha. yep. now i really feel it. css. the people, the teacher, the environment, the culture. if we dont wish to grow out of it, then dont. keep it with us. forever. the important thing is, be ourself. dont have to lie to the world. cos by that we are not lying to the world. we are lying to ourselves. live is tough, why make it tougher?

oh. all these came after the some personality test thing during gc. about intrinsic, extrinsic and lifestyle values. u know. He has a unique way to answer your prayers? help you. look after you. in ways that we do now expect. in the most subtle manners that we dont realise them most of the time. but when we open out hearts, then we see. He's there in everything. most important is have faith, that He is always there. for all of us. if He brings u to it, He will bring u through it.

wah. super long already. okay, end with some stuff i came up with. haha.

not until we go hungry, then we appreciate food;
not unti we fall sick, then we appreciate health.
unless we are sad, we won't know what's happiness;
unless we fall, we won't know how to get up.


ever with the best